Bells will be ringin‘ the sad, sad news. Oh, what a Christmas to have the blues. My baby’s gone, I have no friends to wish me greetings once again. Choirs will be singin’ Silent Night Christmas carols by candlelight. Please come home for Christmas, please come home for Christmas. If not for Christmas, by New Year’s night.
Originally written and recorded by blues singer Charles Brown, these days most of us are far more familiar with the Eagles’ version of this classic from the 1970s.
I have to admit that I have been having a really rough few days of late missing my late husband. And on some level this song is both perfectly poignant and also absolutely heart-crushing. I do wish he could come home for Christmas, of course, but that’s honestly not it.
New Year’s Eve was always my husband’s and my holiday. We were together for almost five years before we were married and we didn’t celebrate the big holidays together until then. Which means that New Year’s was when we got to be together again after Christmas. We did concerts, parties, dinners – so many memories. And I think in many ways that will be the truly “weird” day for me this year to not have him with me.
I don’t know about you all, but as Christmas approaches, all of the grief gets a whole lot harder. It is like a weight literally pressing down on my chest and tears lingering just behind my eyes. Yes, I am still smiling for so many reasons, including the joy and the magic I am seeing come alive for my three year old sons – it is truly a wonder to behold. And yet, the pain is still very much pressing on me.
My hope for all of us is that everyone will find some way to not be alone this Christmas. I have been truly blessed with not only my sons, but also my bonus daughters who are here surrounding me with love and care. I know how badly we all need connection and hugs, so I hope all of you can find it somehow.
What I can tell you is this, if you are having a hard time this season, you are definitely not alone. And what I do know, without a shadow of a doubt is that you are loved more than you can possibly imagine. If you can’t hold onto anything else, you can hold on to that.
Even Before 