And so it goes…

Looking back on my own life in this last year, if I stare too long, I find it hard to breathe… I am not a believer in God controlling all aspects of our fate – because if that is true, then God is responsible for some pretty horrendous things…

Almost a year has passed since our world changed forever.

Even now, those of us with social media are seeing memories of the early rumblings of the storm to come. And yet, none of us could know what all of us would be in for.

Looking back on my own life in this last year, if I stare too long, I find it hard to breathe. So much loss. Not just the half a million Americans lost to Covid. Not just the times and experiences we all had to cancel due to the dangers that the pandemic posed. But my father’s best friend. My last remaining grandparent. Mimi. Brad.

Breathe in

I do see the good, too. The creativity. The beauty. The wonder and awesome power of the human spirit in the face of such insurmountable challenges. We truly are a marvel.

I see my sons, born two and a half months premature, now the size of six and seven year olds at the age of four. Healthy. Strong. Smart. Full of joy. Full of so much of my late husband.

Breathe out

I am not a believer in God controlling all aspects of our fate – because if that is true, then God is responsible for some pretty horrendous things (i.e. genocide, disease, famine, etc.). Instead, much like in the book of Job, I do believe that God often allows things to occur as they will. Sometimes at the hands of those with evil intentions. But far more often life simply happens. It is neither good nor evil. It just is. It may be hard, like my husband’s death and my mother-in-law’s death and my grandfather’s death. However, none of those deaths were either good or evil. They simply were part of life. Part of what we experience. And so it goes…

What I find, when I look deep into the scriptures and God’s heart, is a different form of providence than control. Instead, there is a much more important promise: a promise that God will be with us. No matter what may happen. Come Hell or high water. Come fire or famine. God will be with us. Walking with us and offering the grace we need to not only survive whatever may come, but to find the new life that is always waiting in the wings. That is the providence that Love offers. And our God is certainly Love above all else. Well, Love and Life itself.

Breathe deeply

So here is my takeaway from this ridiculously difficult and yet somehow remarkably triumphant year: life is going to keep going. Yet, God is still with us wherever we go and working as much as possible for good. So keep breathing until you can do more. Then do more. Then live life as beautifully and as long as you are able. And love every chance that you get.

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