Love is hard. Love hurts. Love is messy. Love may be all we need, but there are times when we would not wish it on our worst enemy.

Why?

Because love is the deepest and most important emotion we can ever feel.

This year, I find myself facing not only my first Valentine’s Day in two decades without my husband, but also the four month anniversary of his death on the 14th. Making what would already be a mixed-up holiday for me, now reach a level of emotional complexity that I haven’t felt since last October.

The thing about loving so deeply and being loved so completely is that when you lose that connection, or even part of it, it shatters a piece of your soul. Even if the relationship is not perfect and it takes extremely hard work, day in and day out, it is still so much a part of who you are that when it is gone, so is part of yourself. This can be a spouse, but it can also be a child, a parent, or even a friend.

Many of us know what this feels like, in some way, shape, or form. And if not, you will. (Enjoy the time you have left until you do.)

Now, some have suggested that it is not worth the pain. That it is better to wall off our hearts. To protect ourselves from the inevitable.

But here’s the thing: love will always be greater. Always be worth it – Because love – in all of its myriad of forms – is essential to who we are. And the pain will heal. It will be horrific for a while, but not forever. Eventually, the love will win.

So, best advice: love deeply. Love well. Put in the work. Face the pain. And keep living – because the love goes on and on.